Finding Regulus
by thestralway
Summary: Sirius Black is 20 years old and doing just fine - if you don't count the odd Death Eater trying to kill him. He has his own flat, great friends and a challenging job. But what happens when the past he's tried so hard to escape catches up with him? When his brother Regulus goes missing, can he afford to be drawn back into the Black family fold?
1. The perfect son

"Crap," I muttered as I glanced at my watch. Merlin knew what Moody would do to me if I was late again. I shoved a piece of toast in my mouth with one hand and flattened my hair with the other. That would have to do. I couldn't pull off respectable but that had never been my forte.

I pulled up my shirt collar to cover my tattoo, grabbed my coat and turned to leave. A knock at the door stopped me in my tracks. I didn't know anyone who would use the front door, let alone knock. It could be Moody, come to drag me into training which, to be fair, had been known to happen, but I wasn't that late. Besides, he'd be more likely to find a way past my flat's defences and then berate me for it.

Whoever it was knocked again and I glanced apologetically up to Remus's room. Full moon had been two days ago and he was exhausted. I touched my wand and pulled open the door.

A mirror image stared back at me. Or rather, an image of what I would probably look like in 30 years. Orion Black.

I didn't say anything, not trusting myself not to throw a curse his way.

Eventually he broke the silence. "Son..." His voice was tired, cracked.

"Don't call me that," I spat. "You made it pretty clear I was to consider myself no son of yours." He didn't deny it. "I have to go," I said coldly, shouldering past him.

"Wait!" He made to grab my arm but stopped himself. "I need to talk to you. Please."

"I'm late. I'm leaving."

"It's Regulus."

I turned back to face my father and saw him properly for the first time since he had turned up. He looked different than the last time I had seen him, which admittedly had been in the pages of the Daily Prophet. His hair, though still not grey, was lighter, his face etched with lines. Desperation bobbed beneath his emotional mask.

"What about him?"

"May I come inside?"

I thought of Remus, sleeping deeply in his room and of Moody, who probably had far better things to do than come looking for me. "Let's go to the Leaky Cauldron." I took off before he could object, walking fast so we didn't have to travel side by side. I entered the pub without a backward glance.

The barman greeted me silently. "Morning Tom. A large whisky please. Is the front room empty?" He nodded slowly as he poured my drink and, at an indication from Orion, another. Say what you like about my father, he's the one person I know that wouldn't bat an eyelid to my drinking at 9.30 in the morning.

We entered tbe front room, shutting the door behind us and seating ourselves at opposite ends of a large round table. I waited.

"How have you been?" When I didn't respond he tried again. "The flat seems...nice."

"Oh cut the crap, dad. What's up with Regulus?" I snapped.

He gave a sigh. "He's missing." Nothing, not even the slightest quiver in his voice, betrayed what he must have been feeling.

"What do you mean, missing?"

"I mean we haven't seen him in days. No one's seen him in days."

I scoffed. "He's a grown man. Got to be, what, 18 now?"

"No," Orion shook his head as if willing himself to believe something. "He wouldn't do that to us. Not like.." he trailed off.

"Not like me?" I asked savagely, before checking myself. Now wasn't the time. "When was the last time you saw him?"

"On Saturday. We'd had dinner together, the three of us. He went to bed. In the morning he wasn't there."

"Does he often go off on his own?"

"It isn't unheard of."

"Where does he go? Have you contacted his friends?"

Orion took a swig from his tumbler. "I didn't ask. And his friends aren't the type of wizard one can just owl."

I frowned, trying to understand what he wasn't telling me. I'd heard rumours about my brother. I had hoped they weren't true.

"Look, I thought...well I wondered if you knew anything. If one of your lot...?"

"One of my lot?" I repeated quietly.

"If they had seen, heard...anything." Orion finished.

"So that's why you're here? Not to inform me as an interested party but to see if he's been picked up? I'm your fucking contact?"

"Keep your voice down," he admonished.

"Don't tell me what to do! You're unbelievable. If half of what I've heard is true this is all your fault, feeding him that Pureblood bullshit. Do you even care about him at all or are you just worried about what the scandal of having a missing son will do to your reputation?"

Orion's mask slipped back into place, too late for me to register it had been taken off at all. "Your mother was right," he said coolly. "It was a mistake coming here."

"You can tell her to go to hell," I spat.

Orion stood and walked to the door. "Will you never learn to control your temper, Sirius?" he asked scornfully. I threw my empty glass at the door. He didn't flinch as it narrowly missed his head, but jturned and left the room calmly.

I stood, breathing heavily for some time, before heading back to the bar in the main part of the pub.

"Same again, Tom."

* * *

My eyes opened, more of their own accord than because I willed them to. My eyesight was blurry so I used my hands to explore my surroundings. Miraculously, I was in my own bed. Even stranger, I was alone.

I tried to get up and grunted, lying back down. The door creaked open, sending a jarring pain through my skull. I groped for my wand but couldn't find it. Somehow this seemed a secondary problem to my headache and growing nausea.

James and Lily walked in. What were they doing here? I tried to articulate the thought and became increasingly annoyed when they refused to make an effort to understand me.

"I said, why are you here?" I managed.

"Well you certainly didn't get home under your own steam last night," said James in an amused tone. Smug bastard. "We brought you a cup of tea and some hangover potion."

"Lovely friends. Thank you," I replied, holding out a hand.

"Not so fast," said Lily firmly. "First you're answering some questions."

"Fuck off, gimme the potion."

James's eyes glinted. "Play nice Padfoot. We just want to know what happened."

"Give me the hangover potion and I'll tell you," I offered.

"Doesn't work like that."

"Why?"

"Because, Sirius, you are notoriously difficult to get personal information out of and if we give you this potion, we'll never find out," Lily said serenely.

The thumping in my head spread from my temples to behind my eyes. "Who says it's any of your business?"

"We're your friends."

I groaned. "Look nothing happened, I just got pissed! Big deal! Just give me the potion, please?"

James shook his head. "I know you and I know something must have happened to send you on a bender like that." He dangled the potion in front of me. "You want it or not?"

I gritted my teeth. "Fine. You win. My dad showed up."

"Your dad?"

"Orion Black."

"Yeah, thanks for the family history lesson. What did he want?"

"Regulus is missing. Has been for days, wondered if I knew anything."

Lily gasped. "Good riddance," muttered Prongs.

"James!" chided Lily.

"What? Sirius never got along with him, he's a vindictive little snake."

"They were still brothers."

"Guys! Please can Ihave the potion?" Lily handed it to me and I downed it in one, waiting for normal brain functions to resume.

As my friends continued to squabble I pulled on jeans and a battered hoodie over the underwear I'd slept in. I had to push through them to get to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Out," I replied.

"I'm coming with you." I almost told James not to bother but something in his expression persuaded me otherwise. He was on my side no matter what he thought about Reg.

"Come on then."


	2. The sins of our fathers

"So. Where do we start?" James was chipper, as if we were going off on a jaunt to the Forbidden Forest. I tried to remember why I'd allowed him to tag along.

"This isn't a treasure hunt, Prongs," I reminded him.

"So not like the last time you let me into your family affairs."

I scowled, more at myself than him. I had sworn that time would be the last time I got him involved in the trials and tribulations of the Blacks. He hadn't given me much choice in the matter. It was the summer I'd left home and he had been reluctant to let me out of his sight after I'd shown up at his kitchen door with a few injuries. Granted, he had just sat on the roof as I climbed in the window of my erstwhile ancestral home, and it had been handy to have someone to hold the engraved goblets and silverware as I made my escape, but it had been strange having him so close to the part of my life I had gone to such efforts to hide.

"That was a good summer," I said softly and he made a noise of agreement. I meant it. I had learnt a lot. How to cook for one thing and to take care of myself without having a house elf attend to my every whim, but also how to have a normal conversation at the dinner table and what it felt like to be tucked in bed at night.

"Ah to be 16 again," said James. "It was fun. Don't miss all the detentions though. Where are we going anyway?"

* * *

"Andromeda's." I'd answered after grabbing his arm and apparating. He wasn't impressed.

"We must have come to the wrong place. There's nothing here," he pointed out. James was wrong but I didn't contradict him; instead I handed him a bit of parchment that read 'in case of emergency only' on one side and a hastily scrawled address on the other. He glanced at the parchment, then at me and finally looked back at the road.

"Oh," he said, stupidly.

"Drom may not have taken much from my family but she likes the security," I explained. A large, smart house was in front of him where previously he had seen only a building site.

"Smart," he replied. "Wait. This woman's related to you?" I saw him reach for his wand.

"Yeah but she's a good 'un. Blasted off the family tree, same as myself."

"You have a family tree?" he asked, but I was already ringing the doorbell. A long minute passed.

"Maybe no one's home," James suggested. I glanced at him and leaned on the bell again, longer this time.

Another minute. As James was turning to leave I grabbed his arm. Bolts were being pushed back, keys turned. As the door finally creaked open I half shrugged and glanced at James. "Canine hearing," I muttered. I took a step closer to the door and stopped abruptly as a wand tip pressed against my throat.

"Hello Drom."

"Hands out of your pockets and where I can see them," she hissed in reply.

"They are."

"Not you. Him." She nodded her head towards James without taking her eyes off me, her long black hair swaying with the movement.

I didn't dare turn my head to see if James had obliged. "Drom, can we come inside? There's the Statute of Secrecy to consider you know."

"Screw the Statute." She said it calmly. "What did I call you when you were a child, when there was no one else around?"

I sighed. "Drom, I..."

"Answer the question."

"You called me the annoying little squirt," I supplied. "Now can we come in?"

* * *

The door slammed shut behind us. It was enormous, foreboding, rather like the entrance hall in which we now found ourselves. Clearly security wasn't the only thing Drom had picked up from the Blacks.

"You look like Bellatrix when you're angry, you know," I told her but she didn't rise to the bait, instead collecting our wands as they flew into her hand.

"Precautionary measure," she shrugged, pocketing them. It wasn't an apology. "Now. Why are you here?"

"Can we go through to the sitting room or.."

"No," she interrupted. "I want to know why you're here, endangering my family. I know what you're into these days, Sirius, Merlin knows who could have followed you here."

"Or which Muggles could have seen you threatening us on the doorstep," James retorted.

Andromeda turned to him, eyes blazing. "The house is covered by the charm, idiot, no one would have seen that."

"Dromeda?" A new voice. "Who is it?"

"Ted, I told you to stay in the kitchen. Where's Dora?"

"I'm here mummy."

I leaned round my intimidating cousin. A man looked back. A man holding the hand of a little girl with bright green hair and a pig snout. Dora giggled, closed her eyes and sprouted whiskers.

"A metamorphmagus," Ted explained. "Wotcher, Sirius. How's tricks?"

* * *

Ted made everyone tea. We sat at the kitchen table like it was normal, like there wasn't a war raging. "How old is she?" James asked, watching Dora play on the floor.

"Six," Drom's face softened. "I'm sorry if I was...well I'm just trying to keep them safe. You don't know how hard it's been."

I bristled at that. "I think I might have some inkling, Drom."

"No. You don't." She spoke to me the way she always had, an older cousin explaining the ways of the world. "I'm out of it all Sirius. And that's how I intend to stay. That's how you stay safe. But you, you just had to throw yourself into the other side, didn't you? Always did have to make a spectacle of yourself."

I took a calming sip of tea before I replied, aware of James' eyes on me. "Don't you think we have a responsibility to get involved, to fight? After what some members of our family have done..." I stopped as Ted stood up stretching.

"James, fancy seeing the rest of the house? This pair'll be hours now they've got going on the family stuff and trust me, it's boring as hell." He picked Dora up, tucking her under an arm, and strolled from the room. James looked at me uncertainly.

"Go," I told him. "I'll be fine."

Drom waited until the door had swung shut before answering me. "I have a husband and a daughter to protect," she said steadily. "They are my family now. I don't care about the rest of them."

I bit my lip. "That's what I'm here about actually. Regulus is missing. My father came to see me yesterday."

"Well what do you want me to do about it? I'm sorry," she added at my look of shock. "I don't mean to sound callous. But look, Sirius, this is Regulus. I'm sure he's fine, he's not capable of getting himself in real trouble."

"My parents are worried."

"Your parents were always controlling. He probably just stayed at a friend's house and forgot to tell them."

"Drom, he's been missing for nearly a week." I dropped my eyes. "He's my brother, if I can just..." I let the sentence drop, not knowing how to end it. Andromeda, for all her elegant breeding and training, made no effort to help. "There have been rumours," I continued in a low voice. "Rumours that he got himself mixed up with Vol..."

"Don't say that name in my house," whispered Drom, horrified.

"With the Dark Lord," I amended. "The Order knows his name. Nothing's been pinned on him with any certainty, it's more his connections. People he knows. I need to find him Drom."

"I can't help you Sirius." She said it reluctantly, looking at her hands. "Narcissa hasn't spoken to me in years and I wouldn't know where to start looking for Bellatrix if I was stupid enough to want to. No one in the family - apart from you - knows where I live so it's hardly likely he'd turn up here. I'm out of it. It would be better for you if you were too."

I wrapped my hands around the mug in front of me. It was cold. "How can you say that?" I asked the question forcefully. "You married a Muggleborn. Ran away in the middle of the night, deserted your family."

"I didn't choose who I fell in love with! You think I wanted this? You think I wouldn't still rather be the apple of my father's eye instead of being married to someone whose very existance constantly puts my family at risk?"

"I don't understand," I said. "Are you saying you regret...?"

"No, of course I'm not." She sighed. "How could I? It's just, I've never understood you, Sirius. I left because of Ted. Because I needed him. But you, you just threw it away for the sake of it, like a child discards a toy..."

"It was a choice between right and wrong," I told her tightly.

"Well therein lies your mistake, little cousin." She tilted her head to one side. "It isn't about right and wrong. It's about survival."

* * *

Ted handed us our wands back at the door. "It's been a pleasure, Sirius," he grinned, shaking my hand.

"Look after her, Ted," I muttered.

"Probably should be the other way around," he said with a glance at his wife. "She's a bit of a firecracker."

"Sirius." I raised my head at Drom's clear voice. "Try Alphard's old place out at Bar Witch End. It's a long shot but Regulus may have gone there." She pulled a key on a long green ribbon from her robes. "I've not touched it since I inherited," she added, handing it to me.

"Thank you," I replied. She nodded and opened the door. James and I stepped through and I looked back. The house had disappeared.


	3. My brother, the stranger

James and Lily's house was lovely. Big farmhouse kitchen with flagstone tiles, uncannily similar to the one at his parents' home in Godrics Hollow. I launched myself onto one of the counter tops and pulled out a packet of digestive biscuits from the cupboard. Lily shot me a glare not dissimilar to the one Mrs Potter would have done

"If you're staying for dinner Padfoot, you could at least sit at the table lke a normal person," she said, one eyebrow raised.

Jams laughed, putting his arms around his wife from behind and kissing her cheek. "Best do as she says, Pads, or you might find your food in the dog bowl again."

I grinned as I jumped off the counter, landing on all fours as a dog and thrusting my nose into Lily's open hand, eager for a scratch.

The place even smelled like James' s family home. He'd brought few personal effects when he came to live with Remus and I when we finished school. Then he and Lily had finally got married last year and they had moved here, a smart London townhouse which was far roomier than its exterior suggested.

Lily had done the decorating. I asked her once why she hadn't made it more like the house she grew up in.

"There was nothing worth replicating," she'd replied.

We ate around the big wooden table in the kitchen. "Where's Remus?" I asked in between mouthfuls of mashed potato and vegetables. Lily liked to feed both of us at least a few times each week in what she claimed was an effort to fight off scurvey.

"He wanted a bit more rest before we floo to the Order meeting tonight," Lily replied. "He said he'd meet us there." She set down her knife and fork. "He didn't get that job he went for."

James swore. "Poor Moony."

"Hardly a surprise," I muttered.

"Way to be supportive, Sirius."

"Well it's not, is it? As long as he continues to insist on being all noble and honest about his condition, no one's going to hire him."

"Well what's he supposed to do?" Lily asked."Lie and hope no one notices him disappearing around the full moon?"

"Why not? He did it for years at school and no one noticed. Well, not many people noticed," I amended. "I don't know why he's so bothered anyway, my flat's paid for and I earn enough to keep us both."

"You can't expect him to live off charity, mate," said James.

A click at the door made us turn around. Remus stood looking at us. "We're out of floo powder," he said with an apologetic shrug.

We flooed to the meeting in silence, speaking only to state our destination. We were early. The four of us sat awkwardly around one end of the long table that had been set out and our host, Evangeline McKinnon, poured us all tea.

"Remus..." James started but abruptly stopped talking at the same time as I felt a heavy hand fall on my shoulder.

"Mr Black. I was starting to get worried."

I rolled my eyes. "Moody, I..."

"Don't think I didn't see that, you young hooligan." I'd forgotten about his new eye, a product of a recent battle where he parted ways with his natural one. He loved it. His students weren't so keen.

I didn't struggle as he grabbed my collar and pulled me to my feet. "You're alive and well. That may not be a permanent state if you don't have a damn good excuse for being AWOL the past two days."

I glanced around. The room was starting to fill up. "I'm sorry, ok? It won't happen again."

He snorted. "It better not. Do you have any idea how many people get turned down from the auror training programme? You're not irreplacable, boy."

He left it at that and I sat back down. I wasn't worried. He'd threatened to sack me before but for all his claims, barely anyone was signing up to be an auror thsse days. No one was stupid enough.

The meeting was boring. Reports from various people, discussions of rumours, murmurings that someone's relative's neighbour's friend had heard there might be an attack in Portsmouth in the next few weeks.

We had no idea where Voldemort was. The attacks came at random because they weren't planned. We spent long hours at Order meetings and in training discussing what we would do in their place, trying to predict the next move. It never worked.

Sometimes we could intervene. If the attack was on a large scale we would hear about it and counter-attack. Save a few innocent lives, maybe even capture a few Death Eaters if we were lucky. More often than not we found out about it in the Daily Prophet the next day. Muggle-born family slaughtered on the outskirts of Derby or Aberystwyth or Reading. As for the Muggle deaths, well they never even bothered reporting those anymore.

The meeting ended and Dung stood up stretching and caught my eye. I forced myself to make polite conversation for five minutes before following him outside.

"That Peruvian knotweed you wanted," he said, unceremoniously chucking me a bag.

"Thanks," I replied. I'd turned to leave when he spoke again.

"You do look a lot like your dad, you know."

I turned back to face him slowly. "What?"

"Spitting image. Right chip off the old block, aren't you? Kind of obvious when you think about it but I'd never seen the two of you next to each other before." He winked. "Want to be more caeeful about who sees you out and about."

"Get to the point, Dung."

"It seems to me," he said, keeping his tone light and friendly, "That someone might want to keep quiet the fact that you're still meeting with the inconvenient family that has such close ties to You-Know-Who. And I am here, as your friend, to tell you there are ways of doing that."

I laughed. "Bit of advice, Dung? Stick to drug dealing and petty theft. Blackmail doesn't suit you."

"Oh come on Sirius," he whined. "All I want is some more of them engraved goblets to flog. I'll give you a good price."

I clapped him on the shoulder. "Forget it, Dung. Not going to happen."

Lily, James and Remus were talking to Frank and Alice when I got back inside, Alice shyly but proudly showing off her barely-there baby bump. I kissed her on the cheek.

"Never got a chance to say congratulations," I said. "Moody's pissed off as hell, as you can imagine."

"There's no reason I can't carry on work for af least a few months yet," Alice replied with a smile. "I'm barely 12 weeks." Frank looked rather less certain of that, I noted. We chatted for a while. I had got to know the pair of them quite well since I had started auror training as they'd qualified the year before. They were genuinely nice, warm people, and had been useful on a number of occasions as mediators between my rather temperamental mentor and myself.

"He's not really trying to kill you," Alice has reassured me once, early on in my training when I was on the verge of walking out after a particularly tiresome day of dodging his curses. "He just wants you to push yourself. It's a compliment, really that he thinks you're capable of it."

We left the McKinnon house on foot and walked to a suitable apparating spot. James and Remus strode on ahead, the earlier awkwardness forgotten.

"How're you doing, Sirius?" Lily asked, next to me.

"Good."

"It's ok to be worried about your brother. Your family are still your family, no matter what you've been through."

"Mine aren't," I replied shortly. "I know you've had your differences with your sister but it's not the same."

She slipped a hand through my arm. "Well I hope you find him if that's what you want."

I snorted. "Fat chance of that. I don't even know where to start."

"Someone must know," Lily relpied. "Everyone has someone they confide in, trust above everyone else."

It would have been me when we were kids. I didn't say it outloud. Regulus had idolised me as a child. Until I went to Hogwarts and everything changed. "He wasn't like that," I said eventually. "He's always been a bit of a loner."

"Everyone has someone, Sirius." She stopped and looked up at me. "Maybe you just didn't know him well enough."


	4. Uncle of mine

Sorry for the delay in updating this and thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed or private messaged me with words of encouragement. I'm expecting this to run for three or four more chapters and then possibly a sequel if people would be interested in reading it. As a disclaimer, I am of course not JK Rowling, and anything you recognise is hers.

Alphard's cottage was exactly as I remembered it. Dilapidated, run-down, wood rotting. The only difference was that there was no smoke coming from the chimney because, of course, he'd been dead for nearly four years.

After I apparated, as close as I dared, I scanned the lonely landscape for signs of life. The hut, on a mountainside in tbe Lake District, was about as remote as it was possible to get. Occasionally - I remembered my uncle telling us tales of it - he would get a lost Muggle hiker or two pass his door and, ever the gentleman, would invite them in for a cup of something warm before pointing them along the track that led down to the valley road and out through Black Sail Pass or, if they were so minded, up to the cloud-covered peaks of the Great Gable and the Pillar.

He was curious, Alphard, about these Muggles who would risk their lives simply to say they'd stood on top of one of those mountains. Brave, he called it, and it was usually around this point in his storytelling that Regulus, my cousins and I would be summoned away by our parents to busy ourselves with something considered more suitable because the Blacks didn't approve of bravery. Or Muggles.

I unlocked the door and muttered a spell, checking for signs of life. Something flickered, but doubtless it was a mouse or a squirrel, come to make its home here for the winter.

With some difficulty I lit a fire, filled the old iron kettle with snow from outside and placed it on the hearth. I had no idea why I'd come.

Regulus wouldn't have come here. He was terrified of this cottage. Scared of the vast wilderness around it and the Muggles, having believed every lie my parents and our psychotic cousin Bellatrix had ever told him.

I took a mildewed cushion from the sofa and sat beside the hearth like I had as a child.

Our visits here had been few and far between. Alphard's lifestyle had been considered irregular, almost eccentric, by all members of my family who considered themselves 'right-thinking', but then he was a Black and as such could never be wrong. I ran a hand across the side of my head, remembering the cuffs I'd received from my father when questioning that as a young child.

So we were allowed to visit, especially when I began to get a reputation for being something of a handful and many other relatives refused to babysit me. Alphard took us ranging up the mountainside, me running off and climbing trees and Regulus sticking closely to our uncle's side. I invariably got back to the cottage exhausted and spent the rest of the evening reading by the light of the fire and sipping hot chocolate.

"Why won't you explore with me?" I asked my brother once, giving him a not-too-gentle shove for good measure as he sullenly refused to run. Alphard grabbed the scruff of the neck of my jacket.

"Think it's fun pushing around someone smaller than yourself, boy?" he asked. "Why don't I try it?"

I can't remember my reply, but it was enough to earn me a slap to the head. I ran off, returning later than normal, after Reg had gone to sleep.

"Don't be too hard on him, lad," Alphard had said to me, handing me my hot chocloate. "He's not like you."

"Of course he is, we're brothers," I replied with my child's logic.

"Siblings aren't always similar," he replied, settling into his armchair by the hearth. "Look at me and your mother." I stayed quiet for a time, thinking about this. "Just remember Sirius, no matter what happens, he's your brother. You look out for each other. No one else in this damned world will."

I shook my head, cleared it of memories. It was around a decade after that day my brother had publicly declared that we were no longer siblings, that I'd been officially disowned. It was the first I'd heard of it. I didn't care. I hated my parents. But Regulus? He was what he'd been made. What I so easily could have been.

I must have slept. I came to, cold and aches in my bones, but warm from the heat of the fire. Which should have long died down.

I grabbed my wand and turned around. Saw Remus. Casually pouring soup into a small cauldron.

"You're awake," he greeted, moving around me to hang the pot over the fire.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"You really have no ounce of self-preservation, do you?" he grinned. "The door was unlocked."

I gave up, unable to tolerate his self-satisfaction. I'd heard it thousands of times before.

"How did you even know where I was?" I asked, flinging myself into the armchair.

"Lucky guess," he shrugged. "Why d'you tell James you'd given up looking for your brother?"

"Maybe I'm fed up of having you lot prying into my private life."

Remus snorted. "You gave up the right to a private life when you befriended us at the tender age of 11."

"Don't I know it." I accepted the cup of tea he offered me. "Anyway, you're one to talk."

He shook his head. "Not the same. I told one tiny little white lie..."

"About being a werewolf!"

"...and since then I've been completely honest with you. It's years since you left home and I still don't know the full story there. And now...now it seems like you want to go back."

I stared at him over the top of my mug. He was wrong, in so many ways, but I had no idea how to go about explaining that. And I didn't have the energy to try.

"Can I ask you something?" he said. I half-shrugged. "Why didn't you come here, when you left home? Why did you go to James's?"

I sighed, considering. "What have I told you about Alphard?"

Remus frowned. "Just that he was your favourite uncle. You said he wasn't like the rest of them. And...you were pretty upset when he died. I remember you disappearing for about four days."

"He wasn't like the rest of them, but he was still a Black."

"You thought he'd send you back to your parents'?"

"He would probably have tried. I dunno, Remus, I wasn't really thinking that night. James's just seemed the obvious place."

"Did you ever wonder why he didn't leave you the cottage?"

"Maybe he thought Andromeda would like it for a holiday home. He left me money, I was grateful enough for that."

"And Regulus...Alphard didn't leave him anything?"

I shook my head with a short laugh, remembering how annoyed everyone in the family had been at the reading of the will. Although..."There was something he left him. It was just something silly. A small model horse. No one could understand it."

I stood up. Stretched. "We should go. It was pointless coming here."

"Eat your soup first," Remus ordered gently, getting up to serve it our into wooden bowls. I allowed a smile to come to my face. Everyone thought I was being ever so generous, letting an unemployed werewolf live in my flat rent-free. Truth was he was excellent at all the domestic stuff, like remembering to eat, that I wasn't so good at.

"You're not going to give up, are you?" he asked, handing me a spoon.

I took a mouthful before answering. "Nope."

"Right then. We'd best get thinking."

I shook my head. "Remus, this has nothing to do with..."

"Oh leave it out Padfoot. If it's important to you then we're helping. End of. Besides," he added, allowing himself to grin, "you've not exactly been getting anywhere on your own so far."

I shook my head, smiling.

"So who are his friends? Someone must know something."

I shrugged. "I've no idea who he hangs out with nowadays, other than Death Eaters. And even at school he was only really close with one or two people."

"Great," said Remus, ever the optimist. "We start with them. Names?"

"Everard Nott," I supplied. "And Severus Snape."


	5. Blood will out

"Are you really going through with this?" Remus's voice was an annoying, gnat-like sound in my ear. "James is going to kill you, you know."

"That's why you're here." I patted the werewolf on the arm. "Distract him."

"Brilliant." Remus rolled his eyes. "And how am I supposed to do that?"

"I dunno, talk about Quidditch or something."

There was no more time to discuss our hastily thought out plan as Lily answered the door. Patience was never a quality that came naturally to me and I had apparated straight back to London from Alphard's Lakeland cottage, Remus in tow.

"What are you pair doing here?" Lily, opening the door, looked too tired to be surprised by our presence.

"Just dropped by on the off-chance," I said, walking into the house.

"You ok, Lils?" Remus asked.

"She's fine, aren't you Petal?" It was James who replied, though he looked a bit green around the gills himself. Great time for the pair of them to go off sick, when there was a raging Pureblood supremacist on the loose, I thought.

We all looked at each other awkwardly for a while. James eventually reached for his coat.

"I have to go somewhere," he announced. I stared at him, unsure why he was being so oddly formal. "Pads," he beckoned me over to a corner of the room with a nod. "You around tonight? I could do with going for a drink."

"Uh, sure mate. Are you...is everything...?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course." He brushed off my unasked question. "I'll see you later then?" I nodded, distracted. I couldn't believe my luck at getting rid of him. Severus Snape had never been his favourite topic.

* * *

Lily fixed me with a severely unimpressed look.

"You can't seriously think I want to track down a Dark wizard just so I can play a prank on him?" I had to laugh. Lily would never stop being a prefect.

"Well since you won't tell me what you actually want with him..."

"Secret auror business," I told her.

"Rubbish. You're not qualified yet. Nor are you likely to if you keep skipping training sessions."

"Lily. Please?" I put on my best serious face.

She sighed. "Look, Padfoot, I couldn't help you if I wanted to. I haven't seen or spoken to Severus in years."

"Probably holed up in some lair of Voldemort's."

"You don't know that." She put a hand over her eyes. "I don't want to be rude you guys, but if there's nothing else, do you mind leaving?"

We did as we were told, walking out through the door and into the street silently.

"What was that about?" Remus said after Lily had shut the door.

"Dunno, must be coming down with something. Or nothing. You know what women are like."

He shook his head, a funny look on his face, but didn't push the matter any further.

"What now then?"

"Now...nothing." I replied.

"Nothing?" His face was a picture of disbelief.

"Yeah," I shrugged. "Lily was right. Moody's going to do more than just threaten to sack me if I don't go in again. Plus, seems like we've reached a bit of a dead end, doesn't it?"

"You expect me to believe you're just giving up?"

"No," I answered, because there was no way he'd buy that. "Just putting it on hiatus while I think about the next step."

He stared at me for a while, still suspicious. "Fine," he said eventually. "I said I'd go see my parents today anyway. But, Sirius? I meant what I said. We're here to help. You don't have to do this alone."

I nodded. He was wrong. Again.

As I clapped him on the arm in farewell and turned to leave he called my name again.

"Padfoot!" I turned back to look at him. "Don't do anything stupid."

"Me?" I laughed. "Never."

* * *

My brother had not been popular at school. He had been liked well enough by teachers, if they remembered who he was, and Slughorn had positively salivated with joy at having a Black in his house. I knew this because I had been privy to Regulus's school reports. Orion used to have us read out our reports to him at the end of each term, which invariably resulted in a reward for my younger brother, usually having a friend over. I don't enjoy remembering what the outcome of those sessions invariably meant for me.

The friend he always chose, without exception, was Everard Nott. They had a lot in common - both were small, slight, average looking, both perenially in the shadow of an older brother. Gryphon Nott was three years older than me, an infamous bully, Slytherin of course and one of the first wizards to sign away his life to Voldemort's service.

Regulus and Everard were the 'spares' to our 'heirs', there in case of premature death of the eldest son and rarely noticed save for their behaviour to be compared to ours in an attempt at emotional blackmail. I don't at all mean to insinuate that Gryphon and I were at all similar, but to our families, we might as well have been. Neither of us were capable of being the noble, classy young men everyone else was supposed to look up to. With me it was a case of rebellion but Gryphon, like Bellatrix, had a madness running through his veins that I always suspected came from inbreeding.

I knew where the family manor was from social visits and parties in my younger years and it was here that I headed. If Everard was anywhere, it would be here.

I had taken the bike, but parked it half a mile away down a country lane. I loved that vehicle like nothing else but I hadn't bought it for its subtlety. The house loomed as I approached across a field to the back of the house, casting a long shadow over the ostentatious driveway. The lights were on - it was dusk - and they obviously had company. Good. That meant security would be down a little.

Keeping to the darker spots as much as possible I scouted the outside of the building. I could have cursed myself for not bringing a broom to make the whole thing easier, but there was a handy tree on the eastern side I seemed to recall making a hasty escape out of one summer in my childhood when Gryphon discovered his shampoo had been replaced with glue.

I found the tree and shinned up it. Probably best I wasn't using magic. I was less traceable this way. I had been proficient in Muggle techniques of getting through locked doors and windows for more than a decade, so once I was on the roof there was no difficulty in breaking into the house.

Once I found Everard's bedroom (the smell of teenage boy an obvious sign of recent habitation), it was just a question of waiting. I flung myself on the bed. Merlin, even his room was decked out in Slytherin colours - something else he had in common with my brother. A photograph propped up on the bedside table caught my eye and I picked it up. Reg waved madly at me, grinning, arm round Everard who was obviously trying to look cool. The photograph couldn't have been taken more than a year ago. They would still have been at school, though they weren't in uniform. My little brother looked, if not old, then grown up. I'd never thought of him like that. Even after I left, the brief glances I'd gotten in the corridors of Hogwarts, I saw him as a child, blindly following the ways of my parents.

I looked closer at the photograph. The boys were clutching leaflets of some kind, they were inside, clearly at some kind of event. A political rally?

A footstep in the corridor. I stood up. Pointed my wand at the door. Waited.

Everard hadn't changed in physical appearance from the photograph. I disarmed him, locked the door as soon as he was through it. It was too easy. He was drunk. He stared at me, eyes wide beneath his heavy fringe.

"Sorry," he muttered eventually, sitting down on the bed. "You look a lot like Regulus."

"Would you have been more surprised to see him than me?" I queried, twirling my wand in my fingers.

He shook his head. "Whatever you're here for...just get on with it."

"Hardly fighting talk for a Death Eater."

He snorted in derision. "You think I'm a Death Eater?"

"Where's my brother?"

Everard gestured around the empty room. "Not here. Evidently."

"Wrong answer." Two steps and I was close to him, wand tip underneath his chin, forcing his head up. "If anyone knows then you do. You're his best friend."

He made a sound, halfway between a laugh and a hiccup. "You're a little behind the times, Sirius Black. Like I said, I'm not a Death Eater."

I fought to keep hold of my temper. "And what," I spat, "is that supposed to mean?"

It was definitely a laugh this time. "You think they let just anyone join? You have to prove yourself." He leered at me. "You have to do things. Fucked up things."

I bit my lip. "So what, they saw you pair as the young, inexperienced idiots you are and sent you packing off back home to your parents?"

"Oh no. Not Regulus. Just me."

I snatched my wand from where it was resting against his face, not wanting him to see my hand trembling. "I don't believe you. Regulus is just a kid, he's not capable of..."

"Torturing Muggles?" Everard grinned and it took every ounce of self control I possessed not to strike him. "Like you knew anything about him anyway. Like you were ever interested."

"Tell me where he is," I hissed.

"He barely took any encouragement, you know. Stringing them up by their feet. Using the Unforgivables. You should have seen the look on his face. He was enjoying it..."

My self control broke and a flick of my wand sent him flying across the room, crashing into the wall with a thud. I launched myself at him, raining blows on every bit of unprotected flesh I could find, wishing the whole time that he was Regulus and that I could turn the clock back. I'd kill him, kill him rather than see him turn into one of those soulless monsters.

I found myself standing over Everard's prone form, wand in hand. And then - I can't excuse it, but it was almost as though I was outside of my own body, following actions without a thought - I raised my wand and whispered.

"Crucio."

At the same time as Everard screamed a flash of light burst into the room and I was knocked off my feet. I heard footsteps and touched a hand to my head, pulling it back to see it was sticky with blood, before everything went black.


End file.
